Sex saboteurs that could harm midlife marriages

A sex coach says women aged 40–60 often tell partners they are 'fine' sexually while five recurring problems — unresolved trauma, stress, overthinking, fear of being left, and shame — commonly undermine satisfaction.

A sex coach, Mangala Holland, describes five recurring 'sex saboteurs' she encounters among women aged around 40 to 60 who initially report being satisfied with their sex lives. She says many clients have accepted lower-quality sex as normal and that deeper conversations reveal emotional and practical barriers. Holland, who has worked as a coach for 13 years, reports using mindset and body-focused work in practice and referring some clients to specialist therapists when trauma is recent. The piece frames common patterns and the coach's typical professional responses rather than offering prescriptive advice. Common problems identified: - Unresolved trauma — past losses, hurtful comments about the body or sexual trauma that can affect feelings of safety, trust and confidence; the coach says recent trauma is often referred to a specialist. - Chronic stress — ongoing pressure, including financial strain, reported to lower libido, arousal and overall energy. - Overthinking and inability to relax — mental preoccupation with responsibilities that interrupts presence and arousal. - Fear of being left or body insecurity — anxiety about appearance, amplified by cultural trends, which can change how women approach intimacy. - Sexual shame and reluctance to voice needs — worry about judgement that limits communication about preferences and boundaries. Summary: The coach reports these factors commonly reduce sexual satisfaction and can create tension in relationships. In her practice she describes working on mindset and body connection and, when appropriate, referring clients for trauma therapy. Undetermined at this time.